No matter how many times God convicts me for, “keeping score,” I admit that sometimes, like tonight, when only 2 inmates show up for our jail ministry Bible study, I’m a little disappointed at first. But just like every other time, as the night went on, it became abundantly clear that God brought exactly those He intended to hear His message tonight — no more, no less.
And one of those two ladies accepted Christ for the first time and asked if we would lead her in the confession of faith. She opened up to us as if she had known us all her life — she trusted us. She told us about her addiction and the bad relationship she is in and how scared she is about losing her job. She held nothing back — it was a safe place for her.
She had walked into that room tonight weighed down by a burden she couldn’t carry, but she didn’t carry it back out with her. She left it at the foot of the cross. You could clearly see it in her step and in her face. She said, “whatever happens now, I can handle it. I’m OK with it.”
She also explained, almost as if to apologize to us for her emotions, that she usually doesn’t open up to anyone like that — especially to people she just met.
As we were preparing to leave, I was talking to the other of the 2 young ladies in attendance tonight. She had accepted Christ years ago, but like many of us, had wandered a little. Though she had made mistakes and strayed from her faith. She found her way again in jail of all places. She and I discussed how likely she is to be released to house arrest or work release this Thursday after serving 13 months in jail. I met her shortly after she came to jail and had been privileged to watch an incredible metamorphosis in her over the last year as she participated in three sessions of our Bible study. We were saying our “goodbyes” on the inside and making plans to reconnect when she is released.
Before we were escorted from the room, she said to me, “I was a little mad that only 2 of us came tonight. I know that you ladies give up your time to come and be with us, and I was embarrassed that more people didn’t come. But I realize now that maybe, if there had been more people, the other young lady wouldn’t have been able to open up like she did.”
Yeah. Maybe. And maybe she wouldn’t have accepted the gift of grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love.And maybe she would have carried that crushing burden right back to her cell with her instead of leaving it at the foot of the cross. And maybe tonight was her one chance. And maybe things were exactly as they were meant to be.
And there I stood, once again convicted for keeping score.