No matter how many times God convicts me for “keeping score,” I admit that sometimes, like tonight, when only 2 inmates show up for our jail ministry Bible study, I’m a little disappointed at first.
But, just like every other time, as the night wore on, it became abundantly clear that God brought exactly those He intended to hear the message — no more, no less.
And one of the ladies accepted Christ for the first time and asked if we would lead her in the confession of faith. She opened up to us as if she had known us all her life — she trusted us. She told us about her addiciton and the bad relationship she is in and how scared she is about losing her job. She held nothing back — it was a safe place.
She walked into that room weighed down by a burden she couldn’t carry, but she didn’t carry it back out with her. She left it at the foot of the cross. You could see it in her step and in her face. She said, “whatever happens now, I can handle it. I’m OK with it.” She also explained, almost as if to apologize for her emotions, that she usually doesn’t open up to anyone like that — especially people she just met.
As we were preparing to leave, I was talking to the other of the 2 young ladies in attendance tonight. We were discussing how she is likely to be released to house arrest or work release this Thursday after serving 13 months in jail. I met her shortly after she came to the jail and have been privileged to watch an incredible metamorphosis in her over the last year as well as she has participated in 3 of our study sessions. We were saying our “goodbyes” on the inside and making plans to reconnect when she is released.
Before we left, she said to me, “I was a little mad that only 2 of us came tonight, but maybe if there had been more people, (the other young lady) wouldn’t have been able to open up like she did.”
Yeah. Maybe. And maybe she wouldn’t have accepted the gift of grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love. Ane maybe she would have carried that burden right back to her cell with her. And maybe tonight was her one chance. And maybe things were exactly as they were meant to be.
And there I stood, once again convicted for keeping score.