Now I lay me down to sleep, recalling how earlier tonight I listened to a young girl, probably all of 20 years old, tell me how she wishes she was dead & that she deserves no mercy or forgiveness for what she did. I got enough details to know that she got drunk and as a consequence of her actions, her little boy is now dead.
Not long ago, I probably would have agreed with her but tonight my heart just broke for her. She says she deserves to be in jail and ultimately to go to hell for what she did, but it appeared to me tonight that she is already there, held captive by an unwillingness to accept grace & forgiveness.
Why couldn’t I hate her for what she did? Why did I instead cry with her, not only for her loss & grief, but for her internal torment?
Because somewhere along this path, I’ve been given a heart transplant. My old judgmental heart wasn’t with me tonight. Part of me really wanted to hate her, but I didn’t have it in me. I hate what alcohol did to her and the pain addiction caused, but for her, I could only muster compassion.
Ezekiel 36:26 gives us hope that our heart can truly be changed.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. New International Version
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. New Living Translation
Thank you, God, for letting me have your heart tonight. I’ve had it off and on for years now, but I finally realize I like your tender, responsive heart of flesh so much better than my old, stubborn heart of stone. May I keep it this time, please, God? If you find my old one, toss it. I hope to never use it again.